Friday Reprieve #35

I was continuing to eliminate my paper records (re: Total Recall) and came across a story that was circulated at SOM many years ago. Author unknown.

The Balloonist

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says, "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude."

"You must be an ARCHITECT," says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says, "You must be a CONTRACTOR."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is, you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

Thesaurus fun, part one

It’s good practice to keep your mind sharp by focusing on something other than BIM. In cleaning up my desk drawers and old files, I have stumbled upon some brain teasers and funny memos collected in the earlier years of my career. I’ll share them with you in this and future posts.

The following phrases are well-known sayings that have been ‘translated’ using more elaborate words. See if you can figure out what they mean. (Hint: #1 is ‘Twinkle, twinkle, little star.’)

1. Scintillate, scintillate, diminutive asteroid.
2. Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.
3. Surveillance should precede saltation.
4. Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid.
6. Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
7. The stylus is more potent than the claymore.
8. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.
9. Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion.
10. The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled saucepan does not reach 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
11. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
12. Where there are visible vapors having their prevalence in ignited carbonaceous materials there is conflagration.
13. Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.