Friday, October 31, 2008

Sunday, October 26, 2008

So Much For Those Girl Dreams of Vassar...

My youngest sister Rebecca has a great tradition for allowing her sons to come up with really terrific Halloween costumes. This year, nine-year old cousin William really, really wanted to be an "Evil Ventriloquist Doll". Unfortunately - his oldest brother wanted to be one as well.

Solution? William would be the evil girl doll, oldest sibling Braedon would be the evil boy doll, leaving middle child Luke free to attire as a maniacal surgeon.

The four of them scouted Goodwill for clothes - but ended up finding just the right outfit at Kohls for under $14. Best line of the day came while they were looking for shoes:

Braedon: "What about these Will?"
William: "There's no way I'm wearing those shoes with this dress."

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


New Zealand is a great country and all. Stunning beaches, beautiful geography and hardly any animals that eat people. They also play football without helmets and the players occasionally step on each others heads (when not attempting to gouge an opponent's eyes).

Fortunately, beer in New Zealand is distributed free to all citizens as part the country's experiment in socialized medicine. Beer makes you forget that your head has been stepped on and you're missing an eye. Oh - and they worship the Queen of England. Every Christmas, the Queen does a speech. The first time I saw it I thought it was a Python sketch but became confused as there was no live audience laugh track.

So overall - great place. Before you die, you should definitely visit. Don't even get a hotel. Just show up with your family at a stranger's house and ask them to stay for a few days. Odds are they'll let you. Really. They're that nice.

But do beware of one particular sandwich topping. It's a spread as black as night with the consistency of peanut butter. And it smells worse than a Balrog's ass. Now mix in a handful of salt. So it's a food as well as a preservative. Which is why people live to be hundreds of years old in New Zealand: Vegemite.

But most unfortunately, you can't watch South Park in New Zealand. So I've refused to allow my children to grow up there. The maternal government is afraid (and rightly so) that watching South Park will warp a child's "fragile little mind".

This from a country that gave birth to an abomination of a TV show called "Shortland Street".

Isn't that right, Dr. Ropata?